Grief Practice

I was in a circle about grief this weekend, beautifully held by another Integral Coach, Dina Bell-Laroche. Blindsided, I realized I’ve been stuffing my grief. I thought I was in the trenches. I’ve blithely been telling people I’m working on “grief” these days. You know, reading books, feeling my feelings…. Then boom! Suddenly I’m held in a loving community of fellow coaches and my heart cracks into a new dimension of loss. Boy oh boy, I have work to do.

I lost my dad this year in a weird, liminal way. Although he’s very much alive, he no longer forms coherent sentences. He’s in long term care, and even if I could travel to Canada more easily, I can’t get into his building. I knew the last time I saw him would be the last time he used my name. I didn’t know I wouldn’t hold his hand for more than a year.   

This orchid is in honour of him. He could nurse those finicky stems back to life. This one is blooming again despite complete inattention from me. It’s his way of checking in, saying hello. 

What have you lost this year? A relationship? A person who mattered to you? An identity? It’s a pandemic. We’ve all lost something. And please, we don’t need to compete with each other’s grief. 

Here’s an invitation: speak your loss out loud. If it’s a person, name them.  

Now, where does that hit you? What sensations come up in the body? What do you feel? Now, the invitation is to stay. 

Who might you want to speak your loss to? Who do you want as a companion as you grieve? 

What ritual might support you in grieving your loss? 

Offer this to someone else. Who might want to hear the name of a loved one spoken out loud? (Check first if that’s ok.) Who could you offer to accompany on their grief journey? 

Coaching is one way we can seek out support to begin to metabolize our grief. Ritual, companionship, being in nature are others. Choose yours, there’s no right way. 

If you feel it, say my dad’s name out loud, we call him Dougie Fresh. 

With love,

Liz